The Seishia
by Kang Xiu
Summary: Six of the seishi are now for some reason GIRLS! Maze, I wrote this chapter for you! The seishi-a turn BACK!! HEEEE
1. Default Chapter

The Seishi-a   
  
Okay, in this fanfic I turn six of the seishi into girls and do some odd pairing. Expect insanity and improbability. Someone gave me a nice shiny chocolate bar filled with caramel today!!!  
  
Seishi who become girls:  
  
Tasuki  
Chichiri  
Nuriko  
Nakago  
Suboshi  
Ashitare  
  
Pairings:  
  
Nuri-Hoto  
Tasuki-Kouji  
Nakago-Tomo  
Ashitare-Random wolf  
Chichiri-Mitsukake  
Suboshi-Amiboshi (:AN. They ain't related anymore. If I can make Suboshi a girl, I can make them not be brother and sister/brother. Heheh. This should be interesting . . .)  
  
Chapter 1: The Transformation  
  
The (Suzaku) seishi were all kind of sitting around when suddenly the fire glowed bright red and there was a clap of thunder, followed by a burst of lightening, the way it always does in those fakey annoying staged movies. But it all went away soon, and they relaxed again. Then three of them screamed. Two fainted, but the third jumped up yelling with joy.   
"Hoto-saaaaamaaaaa, I'm a giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!!!!!"  
Hotohori stared. Nuriko was indeed a girl. (No hentai thoughts, please!) His, er, her long purple hair was curved around her delicate features.   
"Hoto-sama!" She dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms round him. "Now I can be with you!"   
"Nuri?" managed Tamahome, staring at her.   
"Yes! But you should call me Kourin now!"   
"O-O-Okay."  
Kourin stared happily around. "Thank you, O Suzaku, or whichever god did this!"  
"Easy for ya ta say!" came a slightly familiar female voice.   
"T-Tasuki?"  
"Yeah? Hell, I am just mad!" The irate seishi glared at Tama, her amber eyes glowing. Tama whistled. Both Miaka and Tasuki hit him at the same time. "Oww!" he moaned.  
"Serves you right!"  
It was obvious that Tasuki was not happy with her new, uh, form, so they left her alone. Meanwhile Chichiri woke up, rubbing his head. "Oww no da, I hit my head." Suddenly he froze. "There is something really wrong with my voice no da." When he, er, she realized what the problem was, she fainted again. Mitsukake tried to revive her.   
  
At the same time, two of the Seiryuu seishi experienced the same lightning thing. They too, ignored it, thinking it was Soi. Then one of the look-alikes (:AN. Look-alikes, not twins) screamed.   
"What is wrong?" said Amiboshi.   
"Look at me!" cried the green-haired seishi. Amiboshi turned his head on one side.   
"You've lost some weight."  
"Baka! Listen to my voice!!"  
"It sounds different."  
"Yes! Exactly!"   
Amiboshi looked at Suboshi. His jacket stuck out in front, and his eyes had longer lashes. His body was shaped differently.  
"Um, Suboshi, you look strange . . .oh my Seiryuu!!! You're a girl!!!"  
"Yes, I am!!" She began crying. "I don't wanna be a girl!!!"  
Since the two seishi had always been close friends and helped each other, Amiboshi saw no reason that this should destroy that bond. He put his arms around her and patted her back comfortingly. "It'll be okay. Don't worry, Su-chan."  
She sniffled. "You can't call me Su-chan anymore. I need a new name."  
"Why can't I still call you Suboshi? You are, really."  
"But, but, I CAN'T let Yui-sama know it's me like this. Please understand!"  
"I do. Hmm, could we call you Kaen?"  
"That's Soi's real name. Didn't you know?  
"I forgot. Gomen. What about Umi?"  
"Umi sounds nice. Just promise me you won't tell Yui-sama."  
"Alright. I promise." But what about me? He thought. I like you a whole lot. Oh, well. Somehow I will figure out how to turn him back. And I must think of him as him. I can't fall in love with someone I've known all my life as a boy. That's so, so, HENTAI!! "Come on, Su-chan, I mean Umi, we gotta find the other seishi."  
"Okay," said Suboshi, and followed him as he walked away toward the main camp.  
Which was in utter chaos. Why? Cause they'd just discovered Nakkie was a girl and Ashitare had run off with a wolf from the forest. They were long gone. He, he, he.   
  
Back in the Suzaku camp, Chichiri was lying with his (we'll call him a he cause I absolutely cannot think of him as a girl) back against a rock, sipping the potion Mitsukake had given him for his headache. "Oh no da, I just cannot believe what has happened. It seems too unreal and impossible no da. Three of us are girls no da."  
"What are the Seiryuus gonna say when they find out?" mumbled Tasuki angrily.   
Then Kouji entered the camp. Tasuki hurried to hide behind something...anything. Kouji caught sight of him. If anybody out there can picture Tasuki as a girl then they'll know what it looked like to poor Kouji. He had an instant crush. "G-Gen-chan..."  
"Oh, hi Kouji-chan." Tasuki spoke nervously.  
By Hakurou! Thought Kouji. He's, he's...cute! I don't believe this, but he, er, she IS! VERY cute!! Eheheh. I'm scaring myself. "Gen-chan, what happened?"  
"I'm not sure."  
"Hey no da, anyone looking surprised at me? Or am I just considered girly enough for this to be normal no da?"  
Kouji whipped around. "Chiri-chan! Whaaaaaaaaat!"  
"All three of us are female you baka no da!"  
"Th-three?"  
"Look over there no da." Chichiri indicated. Kourin and Hotohori were sitting side-by-side, completely oblivious to everything around them. Each had an arm around the other and they were staring up at the sky, occasionally murmuring the odd 'Hoto-ai-Kourin-ai' and sighing blissfully.  
"K-kowai," stammered Kouji.   
"M-hm. The question is, how'd it happen?"  
"Nono. The question is, will Gen-chan ma-er, nothing, nothing, you're right!" he said quickly, as all the seishi turned to stare at him.   
"What were you going to say?" said Tasuki dangerously.   
"Nothing!" insisted Kouji in a bright, VERY transparent way.  
"Oh?"  
"Yes, yes, nothing." He then changed the subject quickly. "I was just at the Seiryuu camp."  
"And?"   
"And Amiboshi has brought his sister to camp. Suboshi is sick and taking the month off. So they're minus one of their best seishi. And that girl is his twin, I swear! They're identical!"  
"Good, good. Suboshi is sick, huh?"  
"Yep!"   
"Excellent! We can now attack."  
"Attack! Like this! I'm a cursed girl! You can't make me let the Seiryuus see me like this! Noooooooo!"   
"Then we won't make you, Gen-chan. You can come back to Mt. Leikaku with me!" Kouji winked at Tasuki, who thwacked him.  
"I AM NOT going back to Mt. Leikaku and my bandit group like THIS!!!!!"   
Kouji rubbed his head, and glared. "I remember when I was the one who beat you up - I mean, Gen-chan, I so sorry!!"   
"I may look like a girl, but I'm a MAN at heart!!!" In the background, Tamahome took him up on this, singing, "Heart ni KIRAboshi.... sakashitare!!!"  
Mitsukake divined the future, saying, "Now he's really gonna become an alcoholic to drown his sorrows!"  
"What!!!!"  
Suddenly a man from AA popped up, saying, "Yes, now that you are a woman, and everyone knows they're less egoistic, you can reform your bad habits! Join our support group, and become an alcohol free man, er, person today!" Tasuki Lekka Shien-d him into next year. (AN: I have nothing against AA, just my sister thought of this and it was so damn funny I had to put it in)  
Ahem. We will now move to the Seiryuu camp...  
  
Now that Tomo had realized Nakkie was a girl, he decided to ditch his makeup and cut his fingernails. (AN: He is now straight. Hmm....) He looked very, very bishi in his new mode.   
Nakkie meanwhile, was screaming. She was very mad...Soi was looking rather madder. Tomo approached Nakkie with his hand outstretched, as if to indicate, don't bite me...Nakkie lashed out with his teeth, then stopped in surprise. "Your...fingernails..." he said in what might have been awe. Tomo tried to smile, and found it was much easier without all the makeup. "Well, I thought they were getting a bit long," he said, mastering his voice until it sounded quite nice, without a trace of his usual cackle. Nakkie stared, her eyes practically popping out of her head...and you wonder why WE don't like him. What's up with Tomo? Suppose if he looked good as a guy, he'd have to be somewhat good looking as a girl...da. I AM NOT A NAKAGO FANGIRL NO DAAA! Er, oops, shouldn't have said that. Now everyone's gonna think Chiri-chan is writing this and get all these ideas that he WANTED to be paired with Mits...um, gomen. Back to this damn fic I write, to quote TA Maxwell...  
Soi looked murderous. "Tomo-baka, you are in for it..." Tomo glared at her. "Hmmpph. I don't see you trying to make Nakago feel better." But Soi was sorta thinking that Tomo looked very bishi in his new, um, cleanliness. (AN: No makeup! He's clean. Da, I love Love Triangles!)   
  
Ahem, to focus on the activities of two look-alike seishi and a certain priestess...   
Yui: Oh, your little sister is so cute, Ami-chan!   
Little sister's thoughts: It's not fair! She thinks I'm cute as a girl! What about as a boy?   
Oniichan's thoughts: I think she's cute too. Just back off, priestess girl! **gnash teeth** (AN: Gnashitare! I never thoughta that before...uh, gomen!)   
Yui: Why are you grinding your teeth, Ami-chan?   
Oniichan: Oh, I'm sorry, I just had a bad thought...   
Yui: Well, anyway, your little sister is ADORABLE!!!  
Oniichan: **gnash teeth**  
Yui: Goodness, you must be having lots of unpleasant memories today...  
Little sister: Yui-sama, I'm so glad to have met you.   
Yui: Yui-sama? Only 1 person ever calls me Yui-sama...But you CAN'T be Suboshi...   
Oniichan: **nervous look** Su-chan, you blew it!   
Little sister: You mean YOU blew it.   
Yui: SUBOSHI???   
Little sister: Um, yes?   
Yui: Oh my God... **faints**  
Oniichan's thoughts: Now she's out of the way! **maniacal laughter**   
Little sister: **stares** Ami-chan?  
Oniichan: Oh, gomen, gomen, demo I had a good thought...  
**ahem** Back to the Suzakus...  
  
Quite a few people wondered if Tasuki was drunk at the present time anyway, what with Lekka Shien-ing people at the drop of a hat...it was sort of like his normal behavior, but...  
Mitsukake, dealing with a now-hysterical Chichiri, thought that she should have two masks, one for her good days, and one for her bad days, as it looked very strange to be taking care of someone who was crying and grinning at the same time...  
The reason she was hysterical was, 1. Tamahome had put pepper in her tea and made her drink it all. (CO-AN: Why would Tama do a jerky thing like that? A: He is a jerk. Only a jerk would fall for Miaka-baka...waitaminute! **both authoresses scroll their lists of bishounen, making sure none ever fell for Miaka** CO-A: There's that pic of Amiboshi kissing Miaka... A: Well, there's one of Hotohori kissing her... **loud growling noises and lots of dust. One authoress was fighting with a tessen, the other appeared to have a broadsword** Chibi Hotohori: Um, back to the fic? Chibi Tasuki: **nods** **the authoresses get back to their computer**)   
2. Because she was still a girl, and nothing Mitsukake could do would help. "What kind of horrible magic did this no da!?!?!?!" he shrieked.   
Nuriko yelled back, "What kind of wonderful magic, ya mean!!!"   
"One of a kind!" said the Shrek chibi. (AN: Getting a bit off...) Tasuki Lekka Shien-d it. (Thank God!) The donkey-chibi popped up, "Hey, you got ridda mah friend!" Tasuki got him too. That was the end of the killer Shrek chibis, except a green-Fiona-chibi came up, but disappeared after a second, having realized what happened to the others when she saw two little charcoal Shrek and Donkey chibis... back to the subject at hand.   
For the first time, Mits looked over at his cat, Tama-neko. It had rather long eyelashes, but this didn't surprise him. It had probably forgotten to trim them, being too busy with its plans to take over the world. Then he heard the cat meow. A rather feminine meow. Mits stared in horror. "Tama-neko?" The cat gave a VERY feminine meow. Mits looked horrified. "Meow-ow-ow-ow. Purr-err-err!" Coughing and choking, Mitsukake beckoned to the first person his eyes alighted on. Tasuki didn't see. However, Tama did. "Hey, Tasuk-aleasha, Mits wants ya!"   
"Tasuk-aleasha?!?! You are deader than you ever dreamed!!!"   
Mits distracted his attention quickly. "Tama-neko is a girl!"   
A freaky Spanish dude popped up, stating in his heavy Spanish accent, "That means that cat is a gata, not a gato!!!"  
"Get the hell outta here!" bellowed Tasuki.  
"Calm it, Tasuk-aleasha. It's just some freaky Spanish dude."   
"Freaky!?" said Miaka, looking hurt, "I hired to help me with my translations."  
At that moment, Chiriko the walking encyclopedia began pouring out about Spanish culture and language.   
Kouji said shyly, "I agree with Gen-chan. That thing should get the hell outta here."   
Tasuki looked wonderingly at him, then Lekka Shien-d the Spanish dude too. "Heh heh. Ja ne!" he cackled with evil laughter  
"Did you know you're beautiful when you're angr - uh, nevermind!"  
"What? I'm holding you at tessen point. What were you going to say?"  
Kouji knew there was no way out. He bowed his head, and mumbled wretchedly what he had been going to say. Tasuki stared in mingled horror and disbelief. (And there was a little bit of a blush there too...hehehe) Kouji was practically dying with humiliation. "Gomen nasai, Gen-chan..." "And now that I'm reminded, what the hell were you gonna say earlier, when you cut off, about the question?" Kouji looked like he wanted to run, but could not. On one hand, he could run, and be flamed, on the other, he could say it, and be flamed. There was no way out. He decided to say it. He murmured under his breath, so only Tasuki could hear, and not the spying, prying Tamahome jerk, who was trying to listen in. "I was going to say, the question was, would you, eh, ey, um, flame me?" Tasuki wondered if this was a request. "Don't lie," she said, in case it was not. "Alright. Would you **whispering inaudibly** marry me?" Tasuki caught this, however, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "WHAT THE HELL!!??!!!??" Kouji crumpled and fell into a little moaning heap on the ground at Tasuki's feet.   
Mitsukake walked over and poked him. "Are you okay? Do you need healing?"  
Again inaudibly, Kouji murmured, "Only my heart..."  
Luckily, Mitsukake was feeling considerate, and didn't say anything, but walked over to his healing supplies, and began "healing" Kouji. One of these medicines was an anti-depressant, which didn't really work.   
Tasuki was walking around sulkily, threatening to flame anyone who came near him. So nobody did. Except Miaka, who wanted to give him a kiss on the nose to cheer him up. She got flamed for it. He stormed around yelling, "I'm a guy people, I'm a guy!!!!" Kouji whimpered from inside the medicine tent, and Mits tried to shut him up. "Quiet you baka!" **whack** They all heard, rather quietly and nervously, "I think I knocked him out..."  
  
In the Seiryuu camp. (AN: Did you know that Nakkie could also be changed to Nak-aleasha? Tama: I quite agree! Nakago: Shut your trap! Tomo: I quite agree!)   
Tomo was feeding the poor, depressed, insulted Nakkie chocolate, to cheer her up. Suddenly Nak's eyes lit up with a maniacal light. He was going insane from chocolate!! (AN: **at crucial moment** Ya know, Nak-alina would also be a good name... Everybody: Enough!!!) Nakkie was now going around crushing things, while muttering, "Squish the birds, tuppence a squeeze, tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a squeeze." (AN: Purple Mouse, did I ever tell you how much I loved your fanfic?) Tomo whimpered, as Nakkie went through a series of gymnastics exercises, managing to kill twelve birds in the process, and getting blood all over his hands. (Co-AN: I hate manga pics...) Tomo managed to calm him down to low muttering and an occasional burst of mad laughter. While the sugar/caffeine wears off we'll go to the activities of three people we haven't seen for a while. (Co-AN: What do Seiryuu seishi like to dance? The Nak-arena! Nakago: Shut your trap again! Tomo: I quite agree again!) 


	2. The Nelvana Restaurant of Doom

"Yui-sama? Ya okay now?"  
"No! Because I'm still hallucinating! Su-chan, you still look like a girl."  
"Because I still am one..."  
"No, Seiryuu, no! You aren't! I'm sick, this isn't real!"  
"Oh, but you're right!" said Ami-chan maliciously, "Your mind is going wrong! You need to visit the Kotou asylum! You are no longer qualified to be a priestess of Seiryuu!"  
"Yes she is! She's not hallucinating, aniki! (The aniki bit stays. It's like referring to some really close to you. Plus, if you've read Genrou Den, you'll notice that Tasuki always called Kouji "Kouji Aniki". So. It's legal) She's really seeing this! I am a girl..."  
"Yes, gomen, just teasing..."  
"Yeah, right."  
"Are you mad at me, Otouto?" (Again, the above applies)  
"A bit..."  
"Don't be! I can't stand to see you angry or unhappy!!"  
Suboshi just stared. "Sweet_Seiryuu."  
"I mean..." began Amiboshi, "I mean I don't think depression is good for you. Look what it's done to Yui..."  
"Hey! Yui's just fine! In fact, she's wonderful!"  
"Seiryuu give me strength..."  
"HEY! That's MY line..."  
"No, MINE!!!"  
"Mine!"  
"Mine!"  
"Mine!"  
"Enough already!!"  
"Yui, you've recovered!" **glomp**  
"OK, Su-chan, that looks really bad..."  
"Urusai, jerk!"  
"Waaaaah!!!!!!! Su-chan called me a jerk!!!!"  
Suboshi was staring again. "Aniki...you are...scaring me..."  
"Whaaaaaaaa!!!!!"  
Da. Back to Suzaku now, doncha think?  
  
Chapter 2: The Nelvana Restaurant of Doom  
  
Forgot a disclaimer in my first chapter: I don' own FY. But if I did I'd kill Miaka! Kekekekekekeke! No flames, Miaka fans, please!!  
  
AN: Mitsukake is now evil, courtesy of Obake-chan here. **indicates sister/Co-authoress** Oh, and Obake-chan'd like to note that she's now a Hikitsu fangirl. OK, let the fic continue...  
  
Mitsukake was still "healing" Kouji.   
"Come on. Just, you know, take him on a date or something."  
"What! I couldn't! I'm too scared!"  
"Just do it!"  
"Fine. I'll try." Kouji got up and walked out of the medicine tent to Tasuki. "Gen-chan?"  
"Yeah, Kouji?"  
"Will you...will you go out on a date with me?"  
Tasuki gave a high-pitched giggle. "Sure, Kouji." **be afraid. Be very afraid** She walked over to Chichiri, and they started talking fashion in girly voices. Kouji stared. He could hear Chichiri. "Mitsy asked ME out on a date, too!" Kouji looked scared. He walked back to the medicine tent.   
"Did you really ask Chichiri out on a date?"  
"Yup!"  
"Where ya going?"  
"Good place I found."  
"Can we come too?"  
"Sure, sure."  
  
Later...  
  
Tasuki and Chichiri appeared right on time. Chichiri was wearing a long spaghetti strap white silk evening gown, with his blue hair curled elegantly into ringlets. Tasuki wore a blue velvet creation with 3/4 sleeves and an embroidered bodice. His normally wild hair was brushed smooth and piled onto his head in a bun. His tessen's leather-wrapped handle was wrapped with blue silk and tied round his waist stylishly. Kouji had starry-eyes.   
"Well, let's get going," said Mitsukake, offering his arm to Chichiri.   
The place was big. And pink. All in all, it looked like the castle from "Beauty and the Beast" at the end. The sign said: "THE NELVANA RESTAURANT OF DOOM"  
"Are you sure we wanna go in na no da?" asked Chiri-chan.  
"Yes." said Mitsukake firmly. "It's the cheapest place around." Chichiri whacked him.   
But they went in.   
The first thing they saw was a boy with blue hair. "Hi, I'm Eli Moon, I'll be your waiter tonight and-"   
"No, I will!" said a brown-haired girl, pushing him out of the way. She dragged Tasuki and Kouji to a table and said instantly, "Whaddaya want to eat?"   
"Kentucky fried chicken." Kouji decided.  
She came back with a huge bird on a plate. "Kentucky fried Fly Card."   
"Smaller, possibly?"  
She hit the bird-thing with a weird staff and it became normal sized. "Here ya go."  
  
Meanwhile, other seishi were having problems of their own:  
  
"Houki, I wanna divorce. Can't you accept that?"  
"Noooo! Who gets custody of Boushin?"  
"Me, of course."  
"Then definitely no!!"  
"Then I'm sorry, but I am the emperor, and I can just demote you to second concubine and make Kourin my wife."  
"Evil!!!"  
"I'm sorry, but I love Kourin."  
Kourin/Nuriko grinned, and snuggled Hotohori.  
"Whaaaaa!" yelled Houki.  
  
And also two unfortunate look-alikes:  
  
Yui was out cold again. Amiboshi sighed, then played an interesting tune on his flute. Suboshi threw herself at him and wrapped around one of his legs. It was thus that he stood when a group of bandits raced over. "Where's Genrou?" yelled the leader.   
"Um, West in Konan, I think. Go there."  
"Arigatou!" was yelled again, as the bandits started out, leaving Amiboshi sweatdropping.  
  
Meanwhile, Tasuki had just lost his temper with the annoying girl, and lekka-shinen-d the whole place. They ran out fast, with the angry Nelvana people behind them. Mits and Chiri went to a Vietnamese restaurant, and Tas & Kouji started home. They were met by a group of bandits, who crashed into them, resulting in all the bandits being knocked out. Which gave Kouji time to hand Tasuki Chichiri's kasa, which he'd somehow gotten hold of, and Tas to leave. Then the bandits woke up again.   
"Knei-gong!! Do you know where Genrou is?"  
"Yes...I'll take you to **cough** him."  
So they set off.   
Kouji wanted to alert Tasuki to the fact that they were coming, so he had all the bandits whistle the well-know "Bandit Theme"  
  
Tasuki meanwhile, arrived back in camp, and heard the song. He changed into his real clothes as quickly as possible and messed up his hair and tessen, and prepared to make his voice several octaves lower.  
The bandits arrived soon. They all greeted Tasuki.  
"Hiya, leader!"  
"'Lo!"  
"Your voice sounds different..."  
"Oh, it does, does it? Lekka Shinen!!!!"  
All the bandits stared.   
"Um, bye, I have a meeting with Tama..." said Tasuki, edging off. Kouji went with him.   
"That was close."   
"Yeah." Kouji looked at Tasuki, "Ya know, people usually kiss to end a date..."  
"Don't push your luck, Kouji."  
  
That's all for now. Sorry so short! The next chapter will be longer!! Hope you like it. And please review!!! Please!!! Ja, Ko-Kourin. 


	3. How Far To Iceland or The Chapter in Whi...

AN: Okay, who thinks my geography's really bad? Konan means "Crimson South" and I had Ami-ai say it was in the west. Go figure. And it's even more amazing that on my bad directions the bandits still got to the right place. WOW, those guys are GOOD!! I wrote this chapter for you Maze!!!  
  
Chapter 3: How Far To Iceland or The Chapter in Which Everyone Acts Really Weird  
(This title will be explained, promise. Why it is an important fact that KoKourin is singing "Singing in the Rain" will also be explained. Maybe)  
  
Well, we haven't focused very much lately on Nak-alina and Tomo, so we'd better go there. The love triangle begins.  
Soi glanced over at Tomo. A huge weasel stood behind stood behind. "Ahhhh, Tomo, watch out!!" she yelled. Tomo turned around...and screamed like a girl. Soi felt her admiration drop a few notches.   
"Get Kai-Ka if you want to slay the GIANT WEASEL!" said "Kai-Ka's" parents, popping up for a moment.   
Soi didn't listen, but pulled the sword out of her back and stabbed the weasel in the head with it. (The Improbability Drive comes into action, eh, Obake-chan?)  
"Wow! You're better then Kai-Kai!"   
"I try," said Soi.   
The authoress began screaming, "YOU'RE NOT BETTER THEN KAI-K - I MEAN, AMI-AI!!!!! HE'S WAY COOLER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!!!!! AND HE WOULDN'T NEED TO KILL THE GIANT WEASEL WITH A STUPID SWORD LODGED IN HIS STUPID BACK!!!!!! HE'D JUST USE HIS SUPER-COOL FLUTE!!! **She begins to lay about at people with her own flute** DIE EVIL MARBLEHEADS!!! THANKS MAZE!!!!  
"Let's make me calm down and get back to the subject here. Thanks. Next Obake-chan's gonna lose control. Heh heh. Hikitsu appearance."  
(Waen drools. "Hey, Hikitsu, did you know, I have a horse?"  
"Really? What breed?"  
"It's an Arab!"  
"Neat! Aren't those the ones bred for speed? Who's her(?) sire?"  
"I don't know her sire, but I think she's related to Anasta Iben Halen."  
"Wow! Can I ride her?"  
"Sure!"  
"I haven't ridden a horse in 200 years."  
"Poor thing! Let's go over to my place. Maybe you could stay for dinner?"   
"Maybe you could stay forever?" says Mulan's grandma in chibi. But KoKourin quickly gets rid of her using her flute. That's the kind of thing that happens when Hikitsu's around)  
"Looks like we'll be Obake-chan-less for a good part of this fanfic. (Thank Suzaku).  
Waen pops up. "I heard that! I wanted to tell you, even though you are a bratty sister, that me 'n' Hiki-chan are engaged!"  
"I know. I found that out in "Korin is Random"."  
(The real Waen hits KoK successive times with a frying pan. "It's Hikitsu and I, not me 'n' Hiki-chan!! You don't even have the right to call him Hiki-chan!!" *Moves on to bashing KoK with a spork*  
"But, but, I was writing it in for YOU!"  
"I don't care!!"  
"You know, maybe we should get back to this fanfic.'  
"Good idea.")  
Soi ran away from the flute of KoKourin, and went to check on Tomo. She was contemplating cheering him up by kissing him on his cute little nose, but instead opted for making him hot chocolate.   
"For you Tomo-kins." She clapped a hand over her mouth. "Here, Tomo-the-homo." She hit herself in the head. "None of those. I made hot chocolate for everyone, and here's your cup." (This said despite the fact that Amiboshi, Suboshi, Miboshi, Nakago, and Ashitare were all chocolate-less. But the last was away in England, finishing her book, and munching tea and crumpets with her boyfriend. (I don't pretend to own this. It belongs to Purple Mouse. She writes really good stuff. If you haven't already read "Ashitare's Story: The Unedited Truth" I suggest you do so. And while you're at it, read all her fics! YAY Purple Mouse!!))  
Well, this is getting very confusing; suffice to say that we are creating a love triangle that is scaring ourselves. And we are going to focus on the Suzaku seishi, and leave you to work out the mysteries of this section yourself.  
  
Tasuki and Chichiri sat on a quilted mat that they'd made for themselves, painting each other's nails.   
"It's so much fun being a girl. No one expects me to be macho and everything. I can be myself!!" Tasuki beamed and gave a bottle of nail polish a tessen blast for the fun of it. She then handed it to Chichiri, who inspected it suspiciously.   
"What colour is this na no da?"  
"Oh, just some colour." Tasuki grinned evilly.  
Chichiri had no choice but to put some on. (Yes he did, why did you say he had no choice Obake-chan? **Waen** It's more fun that way) It turned out to be a sick lime colour that Chichiri hated. "Kuso no da!"   
"Kekekekekeke!"   
"What the HELK no da???"  
"What the hell? What kinda word is helk?"  
"Well, I don't swear, unlike some people no da!"  
"Well, you sound stupid."  
"So do you no da!"  
"Cat fight!" Kouji grinned like an idiot.  
"What? We ain't fighting like ****in' girls!"  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Lover's quarrel na no da!" Chichiri cracked up.   
"What? Yeah right! We ain't ****in' lovers!"  
"That sounded really bad Gen-chan!"  
"Go to helk!"  
"Now you're using my words no da!"   
"No I'm not!"  
"Yes you are no da!"  
"Am not!"  
"Are too no da!"  
"Am not!"  
"Are too no da!"  
"SHUT THE ****IN' HELL UP THIS INSTANT!!!!" roared Tamahome.  
"Shh, you've disturbed Miaka!" said Chiriko.  
"Oops! I'm so sorry Miaka-ai."  
  
Fighting is fun. But we're going to move on to the beloved twins...er...look-alikes for a moment to explain the first title of this story...  
  
Ami-ai was having...difficulties. Thanks to a mistake with the flute, Suboshi was now singing "Never Get Away" for him. Which was not something he wanted. (BTW, the reason it's important that KoKourin was singing "Singing in the Rain" is so I don't get locked up for freaky-ness. You'll see.)  
"Kai-Ka!!! You slew the giant weasel!!" His parents were also still terrorizing him.  
Amiboshi, so as to block out the sound of this and like remarks, began singing loudly, "I'm laughing at clouds. So dark up above! The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love!"  
"That's what we think too, Kai-Ka! That's why we want you to marry that Miaka girl!"  
"Leave me in peace, I love SUBOSHI!!!" Ami-ai shrieked.   
KoKourin glared at the muse and sister helping her write the fanfic and declared, "I don't LIKE this part!"   
"Live with it," said Kouji, "You're making me date Gen-chan. You deserve some punishment."  
"And you were rude to me when I told you I was engaged, AND you made me grammatically incorrect! You deserve punishment for that too!" added Waen.  
"You...love...YOUR BROTHER??" said someone who hadn't been paying attention when I said they weren't related anymore. Or to the fact that Su's a girl.  
"NO!" said Amiboshi, shocked, "I love my adopted brother who is no longer my brother but now my sister and isn't even related to me in this fic!"   
The real Amiboshi who was not trapped in the fic of doom remarked placidly, "Yes, our relationship does not resemble Ren and Miisu's. We are just close."  
KoK remarked pointedly that 'just cause you're close to your brother doesn't mean that you can't be close to someone else', and sidled in his direction.   
Taira handed her a curtain.  
KoK gave Taira a Nuriko plushie. She also gave Suboshi a Yui plushie. Then she gave everyone plushies of the people they liked. Except for Amiboshi. She gave him a KoK plushie. Then she went back to the story, casting an eye with a hentai mind behind it over the horse-obsessed Hikitsu and Waen.  
  
Anyway! Chichiri had a problem. He may have looked like a girl, but he was technically a man, and dating Mitsukake didn't really appeal to him. Besides, he had just met a lovely girl called Maze, and, well, he didn't want to be a girl at ALL any more. He decided to go on a mission to turn himself back.   
He also decided that he wasn't going to change Tasuki back (REVENGE!!! For the nail polish) nor would he change Nuriko back, because the feminine seishi was finally happy. However, he compassionately thought he might pop over to the Seiryuu side to see if they had the same problem, and then offer his services.   
//Aha. I'm such a nice guy no da! Er...wait... I'm such a nice person no da! Look, I have tears of compassion running down my face na no da!!//  
"Ano, Peacock Bangs, that's overdoing it a bit," muttered Waen in chibi.  
"How can you read my thoughts no da?????"   
"I'm one of the authoresses, blue boy,"  
"Would you cut it out with the nicknames no da?!?"  
"Nope," Waen answered.  
Hikitsu gently guided Waen away, "Ano, Waen, let's be nicer to our friends..."  
"He's not one of MY friends!"  
"Waen! You shouldn't say that in front of him!"  
"Hiki-chan, you're way too polite!"  
"I try," the seishi muttered, steering her toward the stables.  
"Have a nice ride, if that's actually what you do!" yelled KoK  
They both turned and stuck their tongues out. "If it were Amiboshi, you wouldn't be riding!"  
"I know!"  
"Authoress no da? Can we continue no da? I'd like to be changed back as soon as possible, or at least in time for the wedding na no da."  
"WHAT????"  
"I _said_, I'd like to be changed back in time for the wedding no da."  
"What wedding? Who is she? How old? She's not too young for you, is she? Have you been dating long? What's her name? Where does she live? Do you know where her father is? I mean, he's not in prison or anything?"  
"Have you ever heard of _privacy_ no da?"  
"No, wassat?"  
--;;;;;;; "Never you mind no da. Just get on with the fanfic, okay no da?"  
"Right, right."  
So Chichiri teleported to the Seiryuu camp. White flag in hand, he approached a hysterical Amiboshi.  
"Uh, ossul no da. Watashi wa Ri Houjun."  
"Watashi wa Bu Koutoku! Heeellllllp!!!!" He threw himself at the surprised Suzaku seishi, crying his head off.  
"It's okay, what's wrong, Kou no da?"  
"My parents want me to marry Suzaku no Miko!!!!!" *sob* *sob*  
"Oh no da. Well, Suzaku no Miko is engaged already na no da. So you can't marry her no da."  
"Tell that to my parents."  
"Um, no no da . Can you direct me to the Seiryuu camp no da?"  
"You're at it. My seishi name is Amiboshi."  
"Oh, KONNINICHIWA NO DA!!!!!"   
"Yahhh!" Amiboshi screamed  
"Anyway no da, has any of your group been mysteriously girl-ized?"  
*nodnod* "That's my problem. I'm falling in love with one of my fellow seishi who's been made a girl."  
"Well, that's okay no da! Because I'm going on a mission to turn myself back no da! I'm really a man no da."  
"I was wondering why you had a man's name. But I thought your parents might be weirdos, which would also explain it."  
*glareglare* "My parents were NOT weirdos, they're dead!"  
"So're mine! What do you think they've been reincarnated as?"   
"This is not relevant no da! All I wanna know is, how many of you are girls and do you want to be turned back no da??!!"  
"Nakago wants back.... and I know Suboshi does, but Ashitare is gone, and I think he's happy."  
"YES, I am!! I've finally been able to work on my book!" Ashitare stuck her head in.  
"WILL ALL THESE PEOPLE GO AWAY AND LET US FINISH THE FIC SO I CAN GET MARRIED NO DA??????????" shrieked Chichiri.  
"Fine, I'll go, I know when I'm not wanted," Ashitare said huffily. Her boyfriend put an arm around her and they went out to a nearby bookstore for hot chocolate and biscotti.   
"Gomen no da," the blue-haired man muttered.  
He could do no more than that, however, because the authoress was neglecting him for the visions of biscotti dancing around her head.   
"You just stay there, okay? I have to run over to my granddad's house and see if he's been making biscotti." *drool* "Or maybe I'll go visit Uncle Joi and see if he's made any brunterta."   
"Wait, where do these people live no da?  
"In Tennessee and Iceland, why?"  
"We're in PENNSYLVANIA NO DA!!! How long will this take you na no da?"  
"Using my authoress powers, 'bout four minutes."  
"Oh, okay no da." Chichiri relaxed  
"But they would freak if I popped in out of a plot hole, so I'm going to walk."  
"WHAAAAAAATTTTTT NO DAAAAAAAAA?????????"   
"Kidding. Aw, I wish Maze were here. You're an adorable chibi."  
"Go away no da," he sighed, looking pathetic.  
"You look pathetic."  
"Go AWAY no da!!!"  
"Don't shout. Go turn yourself back."  
"You know," Waen intervened, sticking her head through a plot hole, right under KoK's nose, "This is oddly reminiscent of Ranma 1/2."  
"You go away too no da. Let me die in peace no da."  
"Maze will kill me if you go and die on me."  
"Then I'm going to try to die quicker," he muttered, annoyed.  
Then Korin herself came into the story. "KoK, why do I let you write fanfiction?"   
"You love me? I'm older than you?"  
"Go away."  
"NOBODY LIKES MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
"As of now, you're darn right." The younger girl left through the same plot hole she'd entered from.   
"Can. We. Please. Get. Back. To. The. Story. No. Da?" questioned Chichiri.  
"I guess so, if you wanna. But now you owe me for cheating me out of my biscotti and brunterta."  
(Brunterta is an Icelandic cake that my uncle makes. Brunterta means brown cake. It's sooooooo good!! He also makes leva bred (Leaf bread), which Waen prefers. But I'm a fanfic authoress, and I go for sweet stuff. After all, it makes you hiiiiiiigh!!!!!)   
Anyway.   
"Well, I guess that we should finish the fic. Nakago is pretty mad at you, and -" Waen got no further, because a ryuuseisui flew in from off stage. KoK ducked.  
"Suboshi, get your stupid Shooting Star Plumb-bob and go away!"  
"IT IS NOT A "SHOOTING STAR PLUMB-BOB"!!! Ryuuseisui literally means "Dragon Star Ball", so there!"  
"That sounds like Dragon Ball Z, so HA!!!" (This is all because of the manga, which Maze tells me called ryuuseisui "Shooting Star Plumb-bob")  
While KoK and Suboshi heatedly argued ryuuseisui's name, Waen said, "Hiki-chan? Wanna finish our ride?"  
Before Hikitsu could nod, KoK turned. "And YOU!! What do you do on those rides, huh???"  
Waen cast a despairing look at Hikitsu. "How do we convince her nothing's going on?  
"Iunno, we could bring along a photographer from the newspaper or something."  
"Think that'd work?"  
"Oh I don't care! You two hentai people get out of here and let me finish my fic, okay???"  
"We are not hentai, but we're going!"  
"You can try out Sierra today, Hiki."  
"I'll have to be careful not to be bucked off," Hikitsu laughed  
"That's darn straight," Korin's voice floated over a huge intercom.  
"WAAAAHHH!!"  
"Do you like it? I can hear you, and talk to you, no matter what fanfic I'm in..."   
"Oh, NO!!!" The blood drained from KoK's face.  
Korin's voice held an obvious smugness as she said, "Come, get on with your fic KoK. I'm sure the reviewers want more. Go ahead."  
KoK turned nervously back to the computer. Then with a loud crash, all the electricity went out. When it came back on, and the computer had been rebooted, and they found that the fanfic was alive, KoK turned to Suboshi and began hugging him.   
"THANK YOU SUBOSHI-AIIII!!"  
"What'd I do?"  
"When you threw that Meteor Bell of yours at me, it hit Korin's intercom system! I'm free again. Hey, wait..."  
Suboshi fainted.  
KoK stared at the fic.  
Chichiri had apparently taken over the computer and fic in that time, for the screen clearly said:  
"Chichiri and Maze were married, and lived happily ever after no da. And Suboshi and Amiboshi were no longer traumatized or hysterical no da. Soi and Tomo were married as well, and their makeup business was the most successful in the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho na no da.  
"Nakago was his old ruthless self, and his bird-squishing became more of a habit until Amiboshi reported him to the ASPCA no da.   
"Tasuki became the bandit queen, and very upset about it he was too no da. However Kouji was thrilled, and they also were married na no da. Tasuki hated every moment of it no da. Even at 106, she still chattered toothlessly away about "the damn good old days!" to their grandchildren, Kouji's and her adopted kid's children na no da.   
"And Hotohori and Kourin ruled long and wisely and well over Konan for their lifetime no da. (And Hotohori did get custody of Boushin, if you really wanted to know no da.)  
"And so ended the Seishi-a na no da!"  
"Actually," KoK said to the computer, "It hasn't been ended."  
She turned to Suboshi, still out cold on the floor. She felt his pulse and figured he was still alive. She heaved him onto the couch. Then she shouted, "AMIBOSHI!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT DONE WITH YOUR SISTER???"  
"MY WHAT?"  
"YOUR SISTER!"  
"I HAVE A SISTER?"  
"YOU DO NOW!!"  
And away on Mt Taikyoku, Taiitsukun cackled evilly to herself. "Wonder how long it'll take them to figure out how to go through a plot hole to Ramna 1/2 world. And if they're sense of direction is as bad as Ryouga's how long it'll take them to go to China and find the Nannichuan. Hee, hee, hee. Serves 'em right for making fun of my face."  
And with that, KoK, massaging her temples all the while, typed in all caps:  
  
THE END OF THE DAMNED INSANE MADNESS OF DAMNED INSANITY INDUCED BY SUGAR AND TOO LITTLE SLEEP NOW PLEASE REVIEW THANKS A LOT. KOKOURIN   
  
Well, you can see that I was on a sugar-high, eh? I have not much to say, except: EAT BRUNTERTA, IT'S DELICIOUS (or oishii, whichever you prefer)   
And I'd like to dedicate this fic to Maze, my otouto Taira, and all my lovely reviewers who don't like me enough to review but bothered to read it even if they didn't review and that alone is enough!! *takes deep breath*   
Hey, this was the very first fic I ever wrote. And it's finished. Laaalaaalaaaaaaa!!!! *grin* Amiboshi, my love, thank you for your part in this fic, and -   
Kouji: I'm your muse, what about me??"  
I was coming to you. Thanks to Kouji for inspiring me to write humor, despite the fact that it wasn't very nice to him. May your years be long and full of sake and bandit dances.  
And may Amiboshi's years be long and full of flute music and me. Yeah.   
Read Tomoko-chan's fics. Her pen name is ASHERBOB. Read Maze's fics. Her pen name is TA Maxwell. Read Taira's fics. Her pen name is Nuriko no Mikos. Read Purple Mouse's fics. Her pen name is Purple Mouse. Read her fics! READ 'EM ALL!!! *shakes reader* And if anybody who reads this has also read "Wanted: Fans", the Next chapter is coming soon! Therefore:   
Oyasumi, minna, oyasumi.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
............EAT BRUNTERTA!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
............Oh, and review, of course. ^_^ --------- 


End file.
